Hufgh, OMG... *takes a deep breath* I got to admit I'm a lil' bit crazy about this guy. Maybe he got the look (if you know what I mean :P), but for me he has this magical voice that always can make me feel better when I'm at my worst time. Most of you (I mean most of my fans) must have known about my dangerous 'disease' which is... I get bored easily with everything, but the weird thing is I never get bored listening to his songs.




The first time I heard his song was about 1-2 years ago. At that time I had hard time regarding my family matter and heart broken stuff loool. I remember I was so depressed to the extent that I couldn't sleep and eat, but then one of my friend gave me Aziatix's single 'Be With You'. At first I was like, 'Oh great, another korean idol again?' To be honest I'm not quite a fan of korean idol thingy.

And then I became a radio DJ where one of my loyal listeners was a huge fan of Aziatix. She kept requesting their songs and I don't know how and when, but I started to like it. My first love was 'Slippin' Away' and then I became addicted to 'Start It Again' and 'Go'. I was literally couldn't sleep without hearing their songs first. And Eddie Shin's voice was magic. It's as if like he lifted up all of my burden. Every time I hear his voice, I can feel something warm growing inside my heart. Whenever I feel so sad, or extremely angry or feeling depressed, it's a must for me to hear his songs to make me feel better. Just me on bed with Eddie Shin's voice, and I will be normal again.

I wish that someday I can hear him singing just for me.

Recently 2 friends of mine told me that I have so many people hate me. When there were only one person told me, I thought, 'oh okay. That's just his own assumption because I know that's not true.' But then 2 days later, one stranger said the same thing, so I thought, omg... there must be something wrong with me, so I decided to do a little research about myself.

I've been asking around, but this time I asked my friends, people who really know me. Well, we've been friends for 5-6 years. First person I asked is Arum. She's my friend in college. We used to hang out a lot before she moved to Jakarta.

I asked her, 'Do you think there are many people hate me?' I thought she was gonna say yes, because one of her bff (bff? pfft... loool) hates me, but surprisingly she said no. I was speechless. I didn't expect that. But even so, I wonder because I know for sure one of her bff hates me. Then why Arum said there are no people hate me? Was she just trying to be nice to me? So I asked her the same question and I told her to be honest, but she won't change her answer. She said she knows me so well. She knows I'm the kind of person who always do what I think is right, especially when it comes to people.

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"We all want to fall in love. Why?

Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, and hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives."

~Unknown

And that is why, Love is the greatest feeling in the world. I've got to admit I'm lil bit addicted to love. I always want to be in love. Almost everyday I've been complaining to my close friends, "I want to be in love so bad." And I think some of them have gotten sick hearing that. Couple of my friends in real world even tried to set me up with so many guys. And this is where the problem started.

Love is not easy to find.

Even though I met so many great guys and been so close to them, but still, I couldn't just fall in love easily. It's not about their physical thingy, or how much money they earn every month, or their status, their background, etc. No, it was never about that. For me, it's all about heart... well, my heart to be exact.

I want someone that can make me in love without obvious reason, so when he has nothing, I would still love him no matter what. Just as simple as that, but it is so HARD to find that guy. I've been manipulated by this kind of illusion for several times. Three times to be exact. Three guys. Three heart broken phase so far haha.

When I fell in love to those 3 guys, I told myself that the guy I was in love with... was the one (apparently, NOPE, and I'm so grateful for that). With the second guy I fell in love with, we had talked about marriage, kids and house. It was stupid and I regret I had that kind of talk with him. I actually regret I fell in love with those three guys. Every time I think of them, all I can remember is the pain they brought to me, except for my first love ( My first love's memory is still special to me. I dunno why >___<)

But the more I think, the more I feel grateful to God that I have those kind of experiences. Yeah, it was really painful to be fall out of love, but the result is wonderful. Now I could choose wisely about the guy I'm going to date with, hahahaha. And if I fall out of love again, I know how to fix my broken heart.

Life is a journey.

Every pain you get will make you stronger.

Just like what they say, 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

I understand people always have their own assumption on everything or everyone they met. I do also understand that it's unavoidable and it's natural. I don't blame them for that. But please, before any of you finalize your assumption to 'the truth' that you trust, give your brain time to think just a few second about the other possibility that what you think or what you 'trust' might be wrong.

Don't judge other people, please. You don't know anything. Maybe you have proof or something that can be guaranteed as 'the truth', but still, you are not God. You can't judge people and then label them as a sinner, a whore, or evil people. People make mistakes just like you. Sometimes they do some dumber mistakes then we do, but I believe everything happen for a reason. We can't badmouthing people, especially for something that you don't know for sure.

If you think some people are that 'evil', then don't talk to them or friends with them. You have no right badmouthing them and make it a big deal or worse, you spread false rumors out of it and make it worse than before.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Be humble and always objective of everything... or else... karma will get you good, and twist your position to the other side, to where was the person you judged at.

As a first born child in batak family, it means more burdens in life more than you can imagine as in physically and mentally. Moreover, if you are also a first grandchild in family, you will have a huge responsible to take care of and have to take part in every cultural ceremony and also in every family matters. It's a bit complicated to explain haha.




Frankly, as a girl and first born child and also first grandchild in my big family, I was quite depressed. My parents have already given big responsible to me since I was a kid. I have to take care our house, my siblings, our maids, etc. If one of my siblings got hurt or did some mistakes or got in a fight, I was the one who got punishment from my parents. Not my siblings or our maids or nannies. If I did some mistakes... wew.... I can't even describe it hahaha. Life was not easy for me. I had to dealt with so many things since I was a kid.

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According to wikipedia,

Batak is a collective term used to identify a number of ethnic groups predominantly found in North Sumatra, Indonesia.

Here, let me show you where is this North Sumatra.




Being a batak, it means that you have a very big family. It's like that everywhere you go, you will meet your relatives no matter how far you go, even to the end of the world. That's why people have impression that we, batak have so many relatives. Actually, it has something to do with clans. Some of you must be wondering how do we find out which one is batak or not from their last name. Well, we just know, plus, batak's physical features are quite distinctive. It's not that hard to recognize them. Just simply hear the way they talk and their deep, big, loud voice and you will never be wrong, haha.

Batak people are well known for their harsh, rude attitude, not to mention, fierce, never-give-up people (or you may call it stubborn perhaps), selfish, arrogant and snobby. That's what people usually get at their first impression meeting batak people, but actually we are people with such a big heart, we never ashamed admitting our mistakes and willing to do whatever it takes to fix it, we never fake our feeling. If we hate someone, we just say it without any kind of drama, conspiracy or backstabbing stuff.

We are definitely not a backstabber. I can ensure of that, because that is exactly why people think we are rude. We even never understand the concept and the purpose of sugar coating words. We just NEVER do that. Believe me, never.

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High energy, insomniac, weird, internet-addicted, book-addicted, history-and-knowledge-addicted, freelance at law office, 'almost' a writer (lol), tends to make revolution at wherever she goes, 100% pure Batak, lives in Bandung, Indonesia.

Loves
God, love, peace, honesty, bravery, children, something purple and black, food (especially, fried rice and fried noodle), Norway, Nordic legend, Indonesia, her own tribe's culture (Batak), Anime, Manga, Japanese Pop Music, Do As Infinity, Utada Hikaru, Homogenic, Her most fave writer and muse: Dewi Lestari, freedom, making something new and revolutionary, friends both in net and real world, family, Christopher Nolan, Peter Jackson, Johnny Depp, Cate Blanchet.

Hates
Dishonesty, people who look down on other people, rain, cockroach, rat, boring movies/dramas, spinach, peanut, Indonesia's traffic and public transportation, deadlines, raging mom.

Philosophy
Expect the unexpected as I will always find all impossible things in life.
And remember to always think positive and smile.
Never judge people no matter what. God is the only judge, not me.

Hello, Here we go again at my first post. I don't know how many times I've been writing a first post in my hundred blogs. Yeah, I admit it, I do have hundred blogs haha. I didn't mean to, but I have such a complicated situation in real life that make me have to delete my old blogs and create a new one. If you are one of my fans of my old blogs, of course you know why I have to do that.

It's just that I don't feel comfortable if my friends in real life or my family read my blog. Sometimes I wrote about my deepest feeling about people around me. Sometimes it's about my ex, my best friends, my mom, my sister, etc. It would be awkward if one of them read what I wrote. But then, my biggest fear happened. All of sudden, in a very sunny day where I can hear birds chirping around, flying through the sky, and then eating their fluffy worms from the ground? (loool) I knew there was something wrong coz all of my friends came to me and said, "Omg, I didn't know you have such a pathetic past..." or ... " I didn't know you have such a bad childhood and bla bla..." and "I'm so sorry for what you've been through..."

And I was like... whatthe...

 Honestly, I've been so paranoid since then. I need a blog so I can talk about everything. Sometimes it's not enough for me to just talk to people because sometimes people don't understand me , and I  can't really talk what I want to talk. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I know we all sometimes can't seem to explain how we actually felt. So yeah, this time I really want this blog could exist forever. And actually, one of the reason I make this blog is so I can practice my english heheh. People said my grammar is the worst of the worst, so bear with me if you find any grammatical error.

Be a Grammar Nazi for me heheheh.