No matter how tough you are, TRAUMA will always leave a scar.
~Teh Kireina Enno

I am truly confused thinking of you. I am confused about how your brain works. Just how exactly a solid logic exist in your brain. Were you born in other planet or you got some kind of dysfunctional brain?

Sorry for the sarcasm, but the first thing that make me really confused is you, until this very present day, you still questioned about the reason why I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Hey, you should've known why. You don't have to ask around until your stupid questions emerge negative rumors about me. Oh please, do you have to do that? Just admit it that you did that to get alibi to justify you and to convince people and yourself that I'm the bad guy.

I know that deep down in your heart you already knew all of the answers. You've been very anxious because your conscience can't take it and you've been looking for reasons to tell you that you're not the bad guy.

You have no idea how deep you hurt me...that every time I wake up in the morning, I feel the pain almost as same like that day as if like my heart squished by invisible hands inside my chest. And every single time that happen, I keep trying to forgive you and convince myself to not hate you.

All I ask is just leave me alone. I don't need some random people to come to me and then suddenly preaching to me about forgiving you while they don't know anything about what I have been through every single morning since that day.

One thing I ask, please don't involve an outsider. What's the use of it? You only make things getting worse. Talk to me if you have something to say. Don't talk to other people who have nothing to do with us. It's as if like you want other people to think of you as a hero and I'm the villain which make me think it's kinda sad and pathetic that you have to go that far to make you feel less guilty?

The thing that hurt me the most isn't what you did to me. It isn't that important. What hurt me the most was you, my very best friend, the person I trusted so much, acted as if like I'm one of those people who just passing by on the street, like I'm not so important that you can just ignore. You did things as if like you don't know how I really really felt deep down inside, as if like I'm one of those insignificant creature in your life that sometimes I felt like I'm just a breeze of wind to you who has no feeling, no heart and no opinion which you think you can control of.

It wouldn't felt so hurt to me if you were just a stranger to me. It wouldn't be like this if you were someone else. But you weren't... That is why I don't want to have anything to do with you again. I don't want to get hurt again because I know that is the real you.

I don't hate you... I'm trying though to not hate you every morning, but we will never be back like we used to be. If you did things in another way, maybe it wouldn't be like this. Actually, what I told you that day was only a test though. I wanted to know if you really care about me. Whether if you are my truly friend who can feel what I feel. But you failed my test.

You failed me.


PS: If any of you think that I'm talking about you, You're right. It's you that I'm talking about.