I'll never forget you...
You made things so easy
The way you hurt me
The way you hurt us

I'll never forget you...
The lessons you've taught me
The lies you told me
The games you played

I'll never forget you...
The feeling I have for you
The tears that were shed for you
The things I did for you

I'll never forget you...
My little sanctuary
My little happiness
The little light in my darkness...

I don't think I can ever forget you...
The little space in my heart still longing for you...

I really don't know what to write in here. Actually, that is the reason why I couldn't update my blog. Most of the time I really want to write something, but then I just let the mood fly away because I really have no idea what to write. But this time I force myself to write since it has been awhile. This blog needs new post or it will die just like the rest of my neglected blogs.

And now I want to tell you some events that has happened to me recently.

1. As usual my friends brought new people to me and of course they are well--you can say they are potential people to be my new clients. I must admit that they have taught me valuable lessons that I can't get anywhere else. I am excited to have these people in my life. Hopefully, we can be closer and closer and eventually they can become my best friends although most of them are married people which can make things complicated.

2. I got back together again with my long lost brother/friend, aka my bro-friend. I made him mad long time ago and we haven't talked again since that day. So, couple days ago I accidentally sent wrong message to him. That message was supposed to be sent to my other friend. And thanks to that, he then told me that he missed me gyaaaaa gyaaaa.... I was sooooo happy to hear that.

3. I love God more and more each day. I don't know why but one day I feel God's presence and it made me feel so happy. That is the greatest feeling. I haven't felt that way for a long time. Have you ever felt the same way? You just feel happy without any particular reason even though you got a lot of problems, but you feel like everything is gonna be okay and you just wanna dance and dance and dance. That is exactly of how I feel right now.

I love God so much >_____<

Thanks for everything, Lord.

I wish I could see oceans of blue in you...
The one that I can call home
The place where I belong to

As vast as ocean your heart can be
I wish you could embrace all my colors in your deep calm blue

Dear, I'm a girl with a lot of colors
I have more colors than a rainbow can have
If only there was a time where you can learn each of them,
I wonder what would happen...
I wonder if you were going to choose me

But, what's done is done

Maybe you are not my oceans of blue
Maybe it's somewhere else...
Waiting to be found
Waiting to be mine

I feel honored when people come to me and ask about my tribe. And sometimes I just can't understand why people from other country are interested, moreover they study about batak culture. To be honest, I come from modern batak family, so I probably don't know much about my own tribe (I know...I'm so ashamed of myself  >___<). But, I'll take this opportunity to getting know about batak's tribe. I have asked around (to my friends, parents, family) and hopefully, people from around the world will know more about my tribe, Batak. So, here we go.

As you all may know, Batak ethnic origin is in North Sumatra. There are six kinds of batak's tribe out there: Batak Toba, Batak Karo, Batak Mandailing, Batak Simalungun, Batak Pakpak and Batak Angkola. Each of them have their own language, their own culture activities, etc, but they all come from same ancestor.

It is said that the very first Batak ancestor is called Raja Batak or King Batak. All of this King Batak's offsprings become King in their own region and that is why every each of Batak's sons and daughters to this day are called as the descendants of the Kings. That is why Batak people can be very fierce, harsh and a little bit 'persuasive' with their talking skill (lol), because most of batak people have been educated to be a 'king' since young age.

Like I said above, I come from modern family, so I never have any conflict regarding the patriarchy  system of Batak or any old belief/myth/custom or those shit stuff that would mistreated me and my siblings anyhow, but some of my friends have been so traumatized by those system that make them hate their family so much. 

One of my friend, Adelle (not real name of course), her grandpa spit on her on the day she was born because he wanted a boy. The worst thing is he was never talk to her until the day he died. He didn't even know her name and treated her like a stranger or a servant sometimes. But, her grandpa was always full of love to her younger brother. Who wouldn't get hurt in that situation? And my other friend, Tina, her big family (uncles, aunties, grandparents) is always and always look down on her parents, especially her mother because they don't have a son.

I was lucky enough to be born in modern family to not have those kind of problem, but that doesn't mean that I'm free from many kinds of obligations as a firstborn child and first granddaughter in my big family. Although sometimes I kinda enjoy it because people in my family always 'listen' to me as if like I'm a true princess (okay, you can laugh your ass off now lol), someimes I feel like my words are an order for younger people in my family.

Oh well, I'll explain more about batak later... >___<

Aku masih hancur, Alfa.
Berserakan di bawah sana, sendirian.
Memikirkan dia dan orang itu tertawa bersama di atas air mataku.
Memikirkan dia, yang pernah kusebut sahabatku sendiri, menuai cinta bersama
orang itu, orang yang selama ini aku idam-idamkan seumur hidup.

Benar, Alfa, aku tahu apa yang akan Kau katakan,
Bahwa aku tak semestinya memikirkan mereka
Bahwa Kau sudah merencanakan orang lain yang lebih baik untuk aku
Bahwa aku harus menyibukkan diriku agar bisa melupakan dirinya

Kau tahu benar, Alfa, aku sudah melakukan semuanya
Kegiatan-kegiatan baru menguras energi, teman-teman baru bak komedian kelas atas,
buku-buku motivasi diri dan buku lainnya yang mampu menyita seluruh isi otakku
Semuanya, Alfa... semuanya sudah aku lakukan
Hingga di satu titik, aku sadar aku masih menangisi dirinya

Aku masih merindukannya...

Alfa, apa lagi yang harus aku lakukan untuk mengangkat rasa perih ini?
Apa lagi yang harus aku lakukan agar aku tak lagi sakit melihat mereka berdua?
Sungguh, Alfa, aku menginginkan yang terbaik untuk orang itu...
Jika dia bisa membahagiakannya, aku pasrah, Alfa...
Aku rela...

Tapi, kenapa hatiku perih?


Alfa, kasihanilah aku dan angkat rasa perih ini...


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